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| Saturday, January 14, 2006 |
| today... |
Today I slept half the day away on the couch in my brother's living room.
Today I went the ENTIRE day with out smoking.
Today I shopped at Wal-Mart with my sons, bought stink pretties for my non smoking campain... figure if I smell good, I wont want to ruin it.
Today I cut up an old wig, refreshing, washing and drying it, now it looks new again.
Today I finished the last of the laundry, ironed the kids dress clothes for church in the morning.
Today I remembered who I was, remembered my roots.
Tomorrow I'm going to show my children the truth. I'm going to share the light of life, the wonderment of the world. Tomorrow we're going to church!:)
Tomorrow I will have been smoke free for two days!
Tomorrow is going to be a beautiful day,
just like today.... |
posted by katmandusuekookachoo @ 10:12 PM  |
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| quit smoking |
| I haven't had a cigarette for nearly twenty four hours. I keep forgetting things, I'm moving around in a constant haze. I keep coughing up guck, my nose is constantly running. They say thats what happens when you quit. I go through these weird dizzy spells, where your equilibrium is completely trashed. I love to chew on ballpoint pen tubes, love to love to love to, I'm so very grateful to the inventor of the ballpoint pen tube. My leg shakes. Bounces on the ball of my foot, toes curled, digging into the carpet. I dont even realize its happening, until someone grabs my knee and asks me to stop. I want to scream. Deep breath in... let the fucker out, deep breath in... let it out. Breathing feels different, almost fulfilling. I concentrate on the details of it, on its refreshing nature. Filling your lungs to the brim with cool crisp clean air is a bit like stretching when you first wake up in the morning. Your head seems to fill with freshly circulated blood, you think clearer. So I breathe deep, chew on ballpoint pen tubes, and shake. If I were ever known to be a freak, now would be the most obvious time.... |
| posted by katmandusuekookachoo @ 10:57 AM |
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| Thursday, January 05, 2006 |
| As printed in the Tooele Blab... Jan. 3rd letter to the editor |
On Dec. 20, five days before Christmas at seven in the morning, I was discharged from my job based on a technicality. I was absolutely shocked and dismayed at having been so discarded, as though I were a mere piece of crumpled paper floating in the wind. In fact, all thoughts of good tidings and joy went completely from my being, replaced by bitterness and rage. I wanted to do whatever I could to ensure that the people who fired me would be just as cold and miserable as I was at that moment. I started to think of the entire company as being a great inkblot, a blotch on the map of existence. Moreover, I had become convinced that society in Utah in general was full of rotten, self-serving, self-centered hypocritical beings who didn’t care what happened to their fellow man, just so long as their own bottoms were covered.
Then I started having visitors. They brought hot cocoa, clothes, toys and money. They stayed with me and wiped away my tears. They brought hugs and care and warmth. Angels representing more than themselves, but others that were just as concerned about my little family and its fresh diagnoses of doom. I’d never been fired before. I’d never asked for help from outside sources. I’m a single mother of three, and proud that I can get by without looking to my peers for a “handout.” These ladies and gentlemen, (you know who you are), did all of this anonymously. They did it whole heartedly and with no restraint. I didn’t know who to thank or how to thank them. But I want and need to because thanks to them, my little family was able to survive this very cold, hard season. We were able to celebrate Christmas, I paid my bills for an entire month, and was able to buy groceries for my sons and I. Thank you for that. Whoever you are, thank you for providing for us. Thank you for disproving my heart, showing that there’s more to this area than an angry inch and his harem of heartless wenches.
I wasn’t sure I believed in the spirit of Christmas. I wasn’t very convinced of the sense of community in Tooele. But now I know without a doubt that there are angels among us. People willing to go against the grain and help others in a time of need. If I had the ability I would pin you with badges and shout your names to the heavens. I don’t know what your individual beliefs are, but I’m sure you received many marks for your efforts regarding us.
Kat , Tooele |
| posted by katmandusuekookachoo @ 11:59 PM |
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Bleh, feeling foggy today. Havent been quite right all day long. I only had a few hours of sleep last night, it seems I have been a complete bitch all day. I'm getting on my OWN nerves. Caffeine is working in the reverse. I think once I pick up all the munchkins from their various places, I'm going to bed. I am NOT waking up for any reason, my brother can have charge of the children for a few hours. I have to sleep.
I've been blissfully irresponsible all day long. The only obligation that I have executed has been delivering and receiving children from school. I am so sick of children. I love my children, but I am sick of them. That sounds terrible. Its obviously a cranky kat day.
Something good, good, good... ummm... AH! The repairman is coming to fix the drier today! I'm going to have a fully functional wash cupboard in just a few hours. (been with out for so long, I will probably wash for a week just for the sake of washing... ) yeah. Think I might take a ten minute power nap. Think it'll help? |
| posted by katmandusuekookachoo @ 2:01 PM |
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| Wednesday, January 04, 2006 |
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Inspiration
Desperation
Indignation
Oy frustration.
You sing your song of innocence, you sing your song of boredom..
Hell, you sing your songs all day long wondering when or how you'll record 'em.
Sarcasm
phantasm
Mechanism?
OY FUCK IT
I sing my song of innocence, I sing my song of boredom..
I sing my songs all day long as though on the road to stardom.
Interesting how one day your Bent... Sure the world is out to get you.
Then, once all patience has been spent... The world is nothing But true.
One moment all is dark and pointless.. The next its light and lovely..
Wouldn't life be easier if everything wasn't fuzzy?
Nothing ever cut in stone... Never black and white..
Don't have the brightness of the sunshine, or the deep dark black of night.
Somehow everything has become flat... Stuck in constant twilight.
Be present. Live now.
Nothing else feels quite.....
Right. |
| posted by katmandusuekookachoo @ 9:32 AM |
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