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| Monday, February 06, 2006 |
| Shear Embarrassment |
I have a new neighbor. He lives directly below me, moved into his apartment a couple of months ago. When he was packing his things in I thought his girl was moving in with him.. as she was here packing stuff in too. Anyway, one day we had a flurry of snowfall here, a couple of feet in the night, and my car was parked on the street. Of course, she was buried in the snow when I woke up, and would NOT be budged. (saab's are the stubborn bitches of the car world) No, instead she went four feet into a gutter so that you couldnt even open the car door to get out. So, after having fucked with it for hours, I decided to abandon her there. There was no moving her, and it was too early in the morning to ask for neighborly assistance. So I went back indoors for coffee and hot breakfast. The more I sat on the problem, the more frustrated I became.. the plows had already come by, burying my car so precisely that school children were mistaking it for a mound of snow built for their sledding pleasure... so I bundled up and weilding my lovely red snow shovel, I went out into the vicious world to rid its sidewalks of their white burden. Well, the new neighbor caught me. I was shovelling the whole complex, to ease my irritation, had to do something. So he came out and pulled my car out of its snowy hiding place.. and for that I baked him cookies. He invited me to come and talk sometime. 'Sure, yeah would love to' being my response. But there was never an intention behind it.. because I thought he was with the pretty girl-box in hand. Few weeks later he came out of his apartment as I was leaving.... invited me over to talk again. I thought, how strange, maybe he isnt with said box carrying pretty girl. I waited. Noticed he came and went alone, that once and awhile a little boy would accompany pretty girl to downdoor neighbor's house, and that she would leave alone. .. .
So today downdoor neighbor knocks on my door. 'Hey updoor neighbor!' (he didnt really say this... ) 'I was just wondering if you had a phone, maybe would you call my cell.. I think I might have left it at the store... have been looking for it frantically, and can not find it.' He scans me standing there in the doorway in my oversized mint green bathrobe, huge pajama's underneath, skewed hair/makeup, and lovely green froggy slippers, its two o'clock in the afternoon. I want to die. 'Sure!' I practically shout. 'I have a cell phone, just, erm, let me get it...' I grope around the couch a moment amongst the discarded tissue papers, soda cans, empty medicine boxes and coffee mugs. 'I havent been feeling well... ' I say, trying to excuse myself. I find the confounded phone and smile, waiting for him to tell me his number. He does. I dial, he runs to his house... comes out and heads to his jeep... where in which he finds his phone. He comes back... holding it up proudly, 'thanx' he says, never breaking stride to his stairwell.. I smile, 'No, thank you.. now I have your phone number what I can stalk you all the better... ' laughing, ' I mean, its only partially satisfying knowing where you take your meals and rest your head at night.' He looks up at me, horrified. I mean, this man's face was the very picture of absolute fear. I laughed so hard I spun into a fit of choking and coughing.. 'Uhhh..' he says, 'talk to you later.' practically running into his apartment.
You wouldnt believe this... but I called him. Like the tard I am... I called him. 'Uh, Hi neighbor... Its kat.. upstairs? You thought I was joking about the whole stalking thing, didnt you... ' I swear the guy audibly whimpered. 'what you doin?' He said something about watching football and having been nearly asleep.. then out of courtesy asked how I was... 'oh, I'm bored' I say.. 'nothing doin' I say... 'your kids asleep' he asks, 'yeah, have been for hours' I say.. 'hope we're not too noisy for you up here' 'nah', he assures, 'your pretty quiet up there' to which I smile.. though he can't see that. 'yeah, I hear strange bumps in the night every once and a while' he says, 'but that just comes with living in an apartment, right?' I want to die. 'so, uh, we were about to get into the shower, erm.. if we're too loud just stomp on the floor in the bathroom..' he says. Now I really want to die. 'Erm.. sorry for having called so late' I blubber. 'No biggie, your alright' he says. Ugh. Not my intention. I SO did not want to be left feeling so awkward.. guy invites you down to talk.. you get guys number, you call to talk.. just wanted to be guys friend. Had no clue guy had girl with him.. would never have called.. would have stuck to fresh baked cookies every now and again, maybe a tap on the door and a quick chat in the yard. Now I have threatened to and become the great-mint-green-housecoat-wearing phone stalker that calls late at night while your trying to cuddle up to your love on the couch. Oi. I never really feel self concious about shit.. but right now.. I wish I could move away. |
posted by katmandusuekookachoo @ 11:35 PM  |
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