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| Wednesday, October 04, 2006 |
| Wednesday |
Happy HumpDay!!! My boy and I started off with creamy peachy oatmeal, hot from scratch... it was so good. I drank my wulong tea, cleaned the house a bit, then he and I excersized. Turbo Jam... definately not for the athletically impaired. That's the point though, I guess... soon I will be athletic. That is, if I can convince myself that the effort is worth the pain.. I need to thrill and delight in this pain. Who knew middle aged would be so.... bleh? Except for this generation has made middle age the new beginning age, the new climax.. where in which you aren't supposed to feel old and run down or obsessed over every little bulge here there and everywhere. You know, I hate Madonna. Why can't the woman just grow old gracefully... Why can't she just get fat and wrinkled just like everyone else?!? Damn her and her freaking leotard. I'd like to just start a revolution against not aging. I mean, shit, we are all born to die. We all have to go through most of the same steps.. Dammit!! Why not embrace bulges and wrinkles and skin spots and bloating and the inevitable tug of gravity on our bossoms? Its gonna happen eventually anyway, might as well just accept it!!! Even Madonna will have to HAVE to get old eventually. I can't wait til she loses her faculties and can no longer pee on her own. That's not really true. Not completely anyway. I'm happy for the woman. She was able to make it in the world. She assured that she would be a legend through the ages... and her reward is the ability to pay for millions of dollars in surgery and top of the line beauty products. Yay for Madonna. Bitch.
So, I decided today that I was going to go round with as little makeup on as I can possibly stand. Mascara and eyebrow pencil.. a little lip gloss. Its weird. I look tired. I discovered not to long ago that I do indeed have eyelashes.. that are invisible to the naked eye... but if I wave my mascara wand close enough to my eye lid, all these black lines appear right out of the blue. Its kind of neat in a way.
I have suffered from alopecia universalis for almost twenty years now. Its strange to think that in that twenty years I am still uncomfortable with it. When I take off my 'hair' (dont call it a wig, because for some reason the word makes my heart jump and I'm instantly offended), and wash away my makeup.. there isnt a trace of visible hair anywhere on my head or face. When I see myself that way I feel... ugly. Unattractive. Sick. But I'm not sick. I dont think I'm ugly with my illusionary tools in place.. why would I feel so all natural? I blame society. Society did it to me. Society is my biggest thorn. That is why I rebel against it in every form possible. Thats why the battle against not aging. Thats why I rebuke religion and politics. Thats why I say fuck authority. (sorry mom) Thats why I scornfully smoke under signs that say no smoking. Thats why I laugh in the faces of girls with a need for propriety. It goes on forever. Really it does. But, in the same token, I would never be publicly seen without my hair.. or my makeup.. because I wouldnt want anyone to think me a freak, or embarrass my offspring with my garish freakiness. I dont want them to have to answer the questions I have been asked over the course of the past nineteen years. . . I am not dying. Men do find me attractive. I am not completely hairless.. I do have to shave. blah blah blah.
I dont think I should have drunk that entire pot of coffee with my wulong tea. It made me spicy... and full of shit. |
posted by katmandusuekookachoo @ 11:41 AM  |
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