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| Saturday, April 15, 2006 |
| Pervert. |
Went on a date tonight, with a boy I met on an online dating site. I'm really beginning to lose faith in the whole craze. I have yet to encounter one good experience from meeting boys online. Not ONE!
We were supposed to meet at seven, but I got off work at four and was just a few blocks from his place, so I called in the morning and asked if I could just come early. He was stoked, "Sure! yeah, come by, I'm really excited to see you."
Bullshit.
I get to his house at a quarter after, get lost on the way there, couldnt find his building, and was pretty frustrated when I finally did. I ring the bell with my heart in my throat. I baked him cookies at work, orange crisps, they were delicious. He answers covered from head to toe in grease.. he's not bad looking per se, has dark hair, nice eyes, but is absolutely skeletal. His features are sallow, his skin pale. I thrust the cookies at him as he compliments the way I look. "Hey thanx" was all I could muster. He invites me in and hugs me in exchange for the treats.
It was awkward.
He is apologetic from the onslaught, looking extremely nervous. I take a deep breath and decide to give it a chance. He was so wonderful in his emails. He says he has to get ready, he has been working on his truck all day. So, I make myself comfortable in his sparsely furnished living room. He disappears. I hear water running. I look round, two worn leather couches with tears in the cushions, an old recliner that I believe was white at some time, a small table that looks displaced, a television on the floor, the entertainment system standing empty, a queen sized bed still in plastic leaning against the kitchen island, a bicycle, grease all over the floor, fingerprints on both sides of the doors as though someone had just lifted them onto their hinges, its too quiet here. It smells like a garage. There are curtains made of some heavy fabric that are incredibly out of place. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. The shower has stopped. He's coming.
All black.
The shirt is silk, the pants are pleated and dressy. He spiked his hair and put on cologne. He looked skeletal and pale before, this outfit enhances the affect.
Giving it a chance.
I ask what he would like to do... he isnt sure. He says he is flat broke, so maybe we could just kick back and watch movies.
Erm, sure, I guess.
We go to rent some, he offers his arm, so I take it. He's really tall, and bony. He guides me over to the movies and scans the titles. He takes my hand and we walk the store. He picks a couple and pays with a hundred dollar bill.
I'm thinking, 'what the ....?' He said he was flat broke. Hmmm..
On the way back he says he isnt hungry, though as we were leaving he said he was starving, so we just go back 'home'. He leads me to a back room.. his room, where (he says) the only functioning television is. There is a twin sized bed in one corner, a television on a dresser opposite, a tv table with a laptop on it, and two cats in the room.
He fidgets at first, lying on the bed with his head pointed in my direction. I'm sitting on the edge. 'Lets lay down sideways, might give us more room, be more comfortable.'
I (being a complete numbskull) agree.
So there we are, complete strangers, snuggled on a twin sized bed.
I'm fighting the nausea.
He throws his arm over me five minutes into the flick, grabs my boob with the excuse that he was groping for my hand.
Newsflash: MY HANDS ARE NOT ATTATCHED TO MY CHEST!
I gently remove his hand, sit up and hug my knees.
He apologizes, for the second time.
We commence watching the film. Next thing I know he's rubbing my leg, then flies in for a kiss. Whoa, buster! We havent even exchanged ten sentences, I'm not swapping spit.
'Your killin' me,' I exclaim. 'Not yet, sweetheart, that comes later,' he says... laughing, but looking quite serious.
Okay, enough is enough, I'm officially freaked out. I move to the end of the bed, trying to consider how to get out of this.
I am ushered out when the mister realizes I am not about to have sex with him. I wont even entertain the notion. He is unimpressed with my old fashioned principles.
So, I skip in the rain to my car and head to a coffee shop. My parents are watching my children.. and I dont want it to be in vain.
When I walk into the place its nearly empty. There's a sign saying to wait for seating... and I do. Ten minutes of watching the waitresses chatter with each other about the foul weather. Finally one comes across, 'are you being helped'... uhhh... no.... can I have a seat?
She places me in direct eye contact with an older man sitting by himself. He is facing north, I am facing east. . . His booth is positioned east/west. He keeps looking at me, so I pull out my writing notebook and busy myself. He shifts, I see the movement and look up.
Nothing like inadvertantly glancing at someone over a cup of coffee and glimpsing his package hanging out of his shorts. Ugh. I look away, totally disgusted. What the hell is UP today?
He is looking at me. He puts his legs under his table, thankfully. I continue to write. The waitress comes by and refills my cup, I thank her, add my cream and sugar and inadvertantly glance at the man again. He hurriedly puts a leg up on the booth, exposing himself again. Now I KNOW this is some sick perverted way to express his exhibitionism. I shake my head and look down, putting my notebook in my purse, I interlace my keys with the fingers of my right hand. My strong arm. I throw my money on the table, grip my pen like a knife and head out the door. He doesnt follow. There are waitresses on the walk smoking with their manager. I tell her that someone should politely inform the man that his stuff hangs outta his drawers when his leg is up on the booth. She laughs.
I give up. I just give up.
Todays Horoscope... this is hillarious:
Saturday, April 15, 2006 TAURUS: Love at first sight happens so rarely. You might be able to discern that the chemistry you have today with someone special is not exactly love. But it is close enough to love to be an emotional transformation.
Which perv could it be? |
posted by katmandusuekookachoo @ 1:09 AM  |
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